Living in shadow fear undermines our life growth and potential for happiness and peace.
An article entitled “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do” by Amy Morin, LCSW, is an excellent follow-on to the 2 previous Journal writings on shadow fear. When a person has their shadow fear response under good management, then the following action points of behavior arise and are always being expressed in one’s interactions with self and other.
It is good to practice these action points as you simultaneously practice transforming your shadow fear. We will always transmit the shadow emotions which we do not transform.
Here is Amy Morin’s excellent action point writing. This is a manifesto of the important life building emotional tool that we know of as courage. The word courage comes from the French word couer, which means heart. The author is encouraging us to take heart.
13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do
“Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life. Check out these things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become more mentally strong.
1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.
2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power
They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.
3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change
Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.
4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control
You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.
5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone
Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.
6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks
They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.
7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past
Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it. However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.
8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over
Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.
9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success
Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.
10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure
Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.
11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time
Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive. They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.
12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything
Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.
13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results
Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.”
Here is an 11 minute video summary of these 13 recommendations.
Crestone and Beyond
These 13 action points of mentally strong people do not activate and materialize in those who are in the clutches of their own shadow fear. I shall arrange the consideration of our basic fears into generalized groupings:
- The fear of scarcity, or lack
- The fear of not being good enough
- The fear of rejection
- The fear of loss of control
These 4 fears all come from the intrinsic fear which we are born into this world to deal with in our spiritual growth journey…that fear is the illusion of separation from Source energy…we feel separate from our own Divinity.
If we practice that foundational fear and those 4 subsequent fears for a lifetime, then we wind up with the final fear which is the fear of death. The net result of such a practice of fear for a lifetime is that we never fully live. Having never fully lived, we are naturally afraid to die.
We don’t need to embrace these types of fear, for they are illusory, and they make everything about our lives seem illusory as well. Then we become frantic, or desperate, and everything seems to compress and speed up.
We create addictive behaviors, or OCD type behaviors, to placate the fears. We create the kinds of behaviors which reinforce the false belief; the ultimate false belief being the belief that we are separate from Source energy and universal abundance.
We move from our shadow fear states into the use of shadow desire to numb the fear. Shadow desire can manifest as these behaviors: workaholia, controlaholia, foodaholia, alcoholia, drugaholia, shopaholia, sexaholia, gambleaholia, and let’s not forget about…rageaholia and prideaholia, which are often how we use shadow anger and shadow pride to keep ourselves and others from seeing our addictions.
There is a basic premise regarding the legitimacy of the shadow emotional states…If you can feel it, then you can heal it. True healing may take the course of an entire lifetime of trial and negotiation and improvements.
However, if we are numbing down our fear with addictive behaviors then we keep the cycle of separation and negative reinforcing beliefs strongly afoot. As such, an addiction is any behavior we do which is a result of the fear of internal growth.
We learn how to transform our shadow fear into the utilitarian instrument in our emotional toolbox that it is intended to be, and that is simply an instinct to tell us that we may be under threat, and we may need to practice taking some definitive boundary forming action.
Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is moving on into the experience in spite of having the fear. The use of empowering and affirmative courage allows us to become nuanced about our demons such that they do not fool us or anyone else anymore. Of course, this opens us to vulnerability.
Vulnerability may be one of our best assets on this journey, as it turns out.
The negative effects which our sense of separation has on our biological potential are all manifested via epigenetic influences; the ultimate epigenetic influence being the manner in which the Heart’s electromagnetic influence informs the cellular matrix and DNA.
Since the Heart is the seat of the mind, and is the seat of our transdimensional nature, mentally strong people are endowed with strong purposeful Hearts. They strive to create a loving nature in their thoughts, speech, actions, livelihod and presence.
They forgive easily, and are predisposed to being as non judgmental as possible.
Signing off from Crestone and Beyond
Additional Reading
- The Three Things We Fear Most…a Buddhist practitioner considers fear from the standpoint of 3 kinds of fear: insecurity and helplessness, aloneness and disconnection, and unworthiness.
- The Gift of Fear…another Buddhist practitioner informs us about the importance of fear in our lives.
- Whisper Thoughts and Feelings…Doc Childre, the founder of HeartMath, gives us some good advice about a practice to replace worry and fear with an attitude of managed concern.
- What to Do When You Don’t Know What’s Next…”There’s so much chaos in the world right now that we have little choice but to wake up to it. Heightened uncertainty is an excellent opportunity for growth.” The author presents 8 steps for personal accountability and growth in difficult times.
- Why Is Emotional Intelligence Important?…a writing by Chris Kresser from October 3, 2019, on the five key components of emotional intelligence, and how it can improve your health, professional performance, and personal relationships.
- No Beginning, No Ending, No Fear…a beautiful writing about fear and why we create it. “When you’re afraid of what might happen, remember that all you have is now.”